Letter To You

For once, I do not know what to say.Everything is so messed up lately, my head hurts, my heart hurts, and the stress is killing me, literally. It’s making me so ill to the point I can’t eat without getting sick. I hate it. And I hate what you’ve done to me…It’s really not fair, I don’t know what you do to me that makes me act like this, I love you and loathe you at the same time, it’s so confusing, frustrating! I want it to stop, need it to stop…I want and need you, and I can’t have you. I made things so hard for you, I was jealous, bitchy, untrusting, but even though I’ve lost you I don’t actually regret it. You seem to have come so far, I don’t know if you actually have because I’ve no proof of the things you’ve been saying e.g. the meetings, but I like to believe it’s true... then at least I know that what we had was for nothing...I become a different person when I’m with you, someone I’m not sure I like very much... I become nasty, obnoxious, untrusting, I guess it’s everything we’ve been through, I can forgive but I can’t forget and it shows. But you can’t really blame me, can you?I did break up with you, but I didn’t give up or let go... but you did. And now that I know you don’t want me anymore makes me want you more than ever, I feel so let down. I wanted you to fight for me. You say we’ll still be friends but you don’t even bother texting, I kept texting you to see if you were alright, didn’t leave you alone, I worried... I wish you’d do the same. But I don’t want you to do what you always do, start now to make me feel better. Cause it doesn’t. You don’t actually want to; you just do it when I mention it because it’s what you should do...I’m not mad, I don’t hate you, I just feel let down again.But I am kind of mad at the fact that when I broke up with you, I didn’t think of getting with anyone else, cause I was worried about what it would do to you. But you’re not worried about me. You completely finished with me so you Could get with other people. I really had started to think you had changed. I’m just waiting for the day the rumours start that you’re back doing That with Her again…Just do me a favour. Don’t let me be the last to know again…I’ve said what I intended to say. I just wish things were different. I wish I’d been wrong about you…<3